Long-distance relationships

We have all heard the saying absence makes the heart grow fonder, yet few of us have been in a position where we have to go without seeing our partners for long periods of time. Unfortunately in today’s society there are many things working against us and distance happens to be one of them. If you would like some tips on staying together even when apart then read on.

Psychotherapist Paula Hall believes that one of the problems in this kind of relationship is that partners often have different views on distance. For instance if you were brought up in a family environment where absence was normal then being apart from each other isn’t really going to be a problem for you. Perhaps if as a child you had a parent who left you and didn’t come back, the prospect of a long distance relationship could make you contemplate being abandoned once again. Other arguments and differences could include the ‘if you loved me you would stay, It won’t be for long, It’s just not right”. The other huge factor that will make a difference will be whether your the one staying or going.

Being the one away from home gives you the advantage of experiencing new things, new scenery, a new job, new people. However, diadvantages are that it’s a given that you will miss the comforts of home and will often feel lonely when you don’t have your partner there to share your new experiences with.

If your the one who is staying at home then you will have the advantage of familiar surroundings and also the support of your friends and family. The downside to being left behind is that you may feel abandoned and trapped and its doubtful that you will have frequent new experiences.

If you want to make your relationship work then it is important to talk honestly about how you feel. There is no point having false conversations about how you are both great and feeling fine about being apart if underneath you are lonely and miserable. Share your feelings about separation both positive and negative and this will help you to understand each other.

Stay in touch as much as possible and try and keep things fresh by using different mediums of communication. Don’t just call and text, write letters, send little gifts, make surprise calls, send picture and keep a diary that you can share with each other.

Lastly don’t build your expectations too high for your reunion as often the reality doesn’t match up to the fantasy. To avoid the awkward silences and arguments make sure that you discuss how the reunion might go and remember it will take time to adjust to having them back in your life again.

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Written by Emma Hilton

Written by Emma Hilton

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