Three ways to build a better relationship with yourself
Have you ever felt insecure, incompetent or inadequate?
If so, you are not alone. Emma Watson, Kate Winslet, Meryl Streep, Seth Godin, Tom Hanks, Chris Martin all admit they have felt that way too.
If you had parents or teachers who criticised you as a child for not being perfect or not living up to their unrealistic, seemingly ridiculous expectations, the chances are you will have created negative thoughts and limiting beliefs.
Many of my clients tell me:
- "I’m not very good at presenting to a team".
- "I don’t feel comfortable asking for a raise or promotion".
- "I don’t see myself as leadership material".
We re-inforce the negative statements fed to us as a child, which become core beliefs. Our behaviour changes to match our belief system and these learned behaviours cause us to have low self-esteem and a lack of confidence. Then we sit in fear, procrastination and trepidation and convince ourselves that these core beliefs are real.
A thought is a thought and a thought can be changed.
Every time you convince yourself you are not smart enough, good enough, talented enough, you erode your self-confidence and decrease your self-esteem.
Opportunities pass you by.
How can you build a better relationship with yourself?
Here are three ways:
1. Check into yourself: "What do I want? What do I feel? What am I thinking?" This empowers you. I suggest journaling to really form a bond with yourself. Set aside 10 minutes each morning or before you go to sleep. The rewards are enormous. You could surpise yourself with what you discover! It's esssential you do not analyse or edit, just free flow.
2. Are you using disempowering, discounting words which undermine you? For example, "I could be wrong but" or "I’m not exactly an expert at that but... I’m not really sure", "I think perhaps..." Instead use phrases such as, "Here's how I see it", "I have a different perspective", "What I do know for sure is" and "I am absolutely certain..."
3. Honor and cherish yourself. Take yourself on a date to a restaurant, show, gallery or a spa. Turn your phone off, go ghost and enjoy and appreciate you.
Remove the insanity of self-rebuke and acknowledge your greatness. Commit to yourself and you will smash the habit of rejecting yourself. It requires awareness, discpline and focus to form a new habit.
I hope this has been insightful, helpful and you leave feeling motivated and inspired.
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Lorna Payne - LMP TherapyNovember 7th, 2017