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- The third day rule is obsolete - when to have sex with a man for the first time
The third day rule is obsolete - when to have sex with a man for the first time
13th September, 20140 Comments
Whether you think it is irrelevant or you meticulously count the diners he took you out on, you are a grown woman and have an opinion on that matter. Because it is an important part of the beginning of a relationship, someone somewhere decided to give a simple mathematical answer to women's wondering - wait three dates. But the more I look at relationships nowadays, the more I think this someone was a man.
Don't get me wrong - I am not judging anyone, exactly the opposite. I think there is so much social pressure on that completely individual and obviously emotional decision, that it gets in the way of women making the right choice. Instead of focusing on their own pace, they choose to be a rebel or a good girl for the sake of people's opinion. What many of those ladies do not realize is how this attitude forms their romantic life. The process is very similar to an athlete training his body to react a certain way without thinking. If you repeat a certain behavior, it will form that part of your life, and in the case we are discussing, it often forms negative experiences.
Why is it important?
"Why is it even important? If we are not a good fit, then how does it matter if I sleep with him on the first or the tenth date?" I have heard this so many times. The truth is, if you two are not a good fit, then it doesn't. Sex can not magically turn him in the prince of our dreams. But what sex too soon can do is chase the prince of our dreams away.
You see, men do not think like women. When we lay eyes on someone we find attractive, we focus on how "cute" he is for a moment, and then evaluate his sense of humor, intelligence, kindness and (admit it!) social status. When a man lays his eyes on you, he thinks about sex. A lot! Actually, the thought of sex literally explodes in his head and keeps him busy for at least a few months. During that time, you could be the loveliest girl he has ever met, but he would barely appreciate it. So if you want to give him a chance to bring the blood back to his head and see you as a person, hold the sex for a while. You doubt that? Try to show a dog a treat, give it to him and then make him do a trick. Good luck.
So how long should I wait?
Imagine the following situation: you have a great job! It's fun, it's well paid, it presents some possibilities for growth. But another offer comes along. The offer is not a bad one at all, could be more money, could be more exciting, maybe just a bit different. So you decide you'll try, you write up a CV and motivational letter and apply for the position. Life goes on and you feel happy and one day you get a call that you are invited for an interview on that new position. An interview means things are about to get serious. If you like the company and they like you, there are some changes you need to make - quitting, re-organizing. Someone from your current job may find out you are going on interviews. You know you need to take a decision firstly about going to the interview, and secondly about what to do next. Would you just wait for them to call? Would you be proactive? If they do call, would you take the job?
This is what sex in a new relationship is, only more emotional and maybe even a lot more important (let's not forget about all things that may come out of having sex). It is the interview that may change your life or leave you hanging.
So what must be in place for you to decide to have sex with a guy:
1. You have to be happy with where and who you are as a whole, or sex could make you too vulnerable to take good decisions. You know, chemistry.
2. You have to be happy with what you have seen from the person before sex occurs, otherwise why bother to go to an interview?
3. After sex, you have to be ready to either let go of your inhibitions and go for it, or to stay at your current job. It's all or nothing and the choice is in YOU!
Why some women are never ready to have sex with a guy and it always goes down in flames?
In short, because one of the three requirements are not met. They either:
1. Do not currently feel good about themselves and look for happiness in the other person.
2. Are not really happy with what they see from the person before sex, but they think he may change or they could change him.
3. Are not ready to take decisions after sex - they just wait for the man to choose their destiny, to make them happy or sad.
So that's it. It is not as easy as the third date rule, but it is what really moves romantic relations, and which direction do they move is in your hands.
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