The secrets of a long-lasting loving relationship
Why can’t a relationship just be easy? Why do we need to overcomplicate things? Sometimes I believe it would be just so much better if we went through life not being bothered whether or not we find that significant other. We would definitely save ourselves from some pretty emotional heartbreak. After all, we all have so much on our plate all the time that we worry about, who needs that extra suffering, right? The truth is, though, it is all worth it. When we find true love, it is magical. It sweeps away all the bad and painful memories and brightens each and every day.
Unfortunately, when I look around me, I don’t see many happy relationships. Most of the time, people want to change others because they want to impose their own values and standards on others, and with that, they fail to accept the person next to them for who or what they are. The great news is that everyone has the opportunity to learn what true love is. It is never too late.
In my opinion, we need to include the following ingredients into our recipe for a long-term loving relationship: chemistry, compatibility, communication, compromise, and last but not least, commitment.
Chemistry: Does he make your heart pound and your toes curl? Do you recall all his touches and moves when you are alone? Do you want to rip his jeans off at the end of the date? Chemistry is great to have, but it’s only a start. The infatuation will end. Don’t commit yourself to a relationship unless you have the rest of the Cs too.
Compatibility: Do you enjoy or even hate the same things? Does he make you feel at ease when you are together? Compatibility is the key to sustain a relationship over the long run. It provides the quality that makes our life a bit sweeter. It includes the following areas, such as sense of humour, matching interests, common backgrounds, and similar values. But please bear in mind that unless you are willing to accept the other person for who he or she is with all his or her differences and imperfections, your relationship is doomed. A simple example is that if you are not on the same page about having kids, you are not compatible.
Communication is the most important aspect of all the Cs that can make or break a relationship. It sounds obvious and simple, but then why are so many couples arguing without finding a resolution to the problem? Communication includes verbal and non-verbal levels. On a verbal level is an art of listening, hearing and understanding. On the other hand, it can be a look, a hug, or a touch of the hand without any particular reason. Remember, disagreements are natural in a relationship. Good communication allows you to discuss everything openly with your partner without having to feel that you need to compromise your core values. When an argument occurs, with the help of communication, you can also learn how to forgive and how to move on afterwards.
Compromise or give and take or meet halfway – doesn’t matter how we name it – is essential in every relationship. First we need to recognise that we are two different people, brought up with different values in different cultures, etc. hence we might not share the same views on things. It basically prevents us from going into a battle for the wrong reasons, and it helps us create a win-win situation at the end.
Commitment is my favourite aspect of all, probably because that is where I see the biggest problem. So many of us are in a wait and see state when we go into a relationship, after all, there is always someone better at the corner. But is it really true? We might find that the new person is better at certain things, but he or she could easily be lacking some other important qualities. Then we need to move on to find a different partner. But when do we stop? Do we really want to wait until we turn 40-50 or 60 or even above to realise that we are still on our own searching for Mr or Ms Perfect? Well, let me spill the beans, there is no such thing as perfect, so it will be a long, long wait.
My advice for everyone: when we find that special person who we have chemistry with and we are compatible with, who we can communicate and find it reasonably easy to compromise with, then we should look no further. We have to act right there and then, otherwise it might be too late, and we can lose that person to someone else’s benefit who was ready to commit.
You can find these five components in every relationship to a certain degree; we just need to find the right balance that works for us.
Many people asked me whether or not there was only one person for each of us. I always believed that we all had more than just one soul mate who we can truly love. After understanding and accepting our own needs and desires and loving ourselves for who we are, we open ourselves to the possibility of finding that very special partner that - with the help of the five Cs - we can start a beautiful journey with.
Please don’t let your ego be in control of your love life, otherwise you are not falling in love but falling in need. One of my favourite quotes says it all, "It is better to lose your ego to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of ego. Your ego will not take you anywhere.”
About the author
As I have always been passionate about coaching, helping people realise that even their worst fear can be overcome, in July 2015 I decided to finally follow my heart. I left my corporate career behind and started coaching people on a full time basis.
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