How to deal with critical conversations
Do you ever find yourself at a loss for words?
Do you ever walk away from a conversation - thinking 'I wish I had said xyz' or 'I wish I hadn't said xyz.'
Too often I hear people say;
- I avoid critical conversations.
- I face critical conversations but I talk to much or clam up out of anxiety.
Does this resonate with you?
You won't be surprised to learn that when it matters the most we are often not at our best. Often critical conversations are frequently spontaneous and come out of nowhere. There's no time to call a coach, therapist, mentor or best friend.
What's the first step?
Become aware of your words, then reframe the ones that are disempowering you.
What will this do?
Create credibility and an empowered you.
It’s essential to know you have to stay full of integrity and always take the high road.
Always avoid blame, attack and resistance.
Do not use loads of words to lighten the other person's anger and do not be agressive by saying too much in order to make sure the other person feels how angry you are.
Here’s the thing...
What you practise you become.
Make sure you include relevant details on your conversation, be specific about what they are doing or are not doing that you want them to start or stop, whatever the case may be. Be clear about how you feel, what you think and what you want.
Dont fight a battle you can't win. When the other person holds power or authority don't antagonise them. Ask yourself:
'What result do I want and what are the best words to use to get that response?'
When people hurt us, its natural to want to hurt them back. Its programmed into us. But its also one of the most futile things you can do.
Being true to yourself, holding your own, facing someone by looking them in the eye and speaking in a calm, centred way is incredibly empowering. You can disagree without being disagreeable.
Pick your battles, use phrases like;
'Thanks for sharing that, however I have a different perspective.'
'You may be right, lets take a look at the facts and see.'
'Help me understand how you see it that way.'
Your words become your actions, your actions shape your destiny. You can do it! Make it happen!
It's your time to shine.
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Caroline Wellingham - Accredited Career and Life Coach, NLP PractitionerJuly 12th, 2017