Give your children confidence
Parents can do a lot more to help boost their children's confidence themselves. So where do you start?
Firstly, how confident are you? Lots of parents with shy children are themselves quite shy which is often the reason they bring them to coaching. But wait. Stop and think about those times when you are confident. Confidence isn't necessarily about having the loudest voice, having a crowd of friends around you or standing in front of an audience. Think about times when you have 'stuck to your guns' about an issue you feel strongly about. Think about when you have been decisive. Maybe you have a few close friends who value your opinion. Perhaps in your work life you are respected for the way you stay calm.
Children need to know that confidence comes in many different forms and they have to find the right one for them. You may well already be their role model but you don't realise it.
Parents have amazing skills that they overlook, preferring instead to want the skills of other parents whom they deem to be better parents.
Next time you do something that you are proud of and think it might be classed as feeling confident, signal it to your child by saying 'I felt quite confident when I did that' so they know that there are many ways of being confident and that by learning from you they will have it too (they probably have it already when you look again).
Secondly, when you notice them doing something confident, mention it. When we focus on what we want to see, we tend to see more of it. Have you noticed that when you've just bought something new, like a new coat, you tend to notice coats suddenly. So say to them 'That was very confident, well done' and ideally specify exactly what they did that you noticed so they know to do it again 'The way you gave your teacher good eye contact was very confident, well done.'
Lastly, confidence is a lot about body language, how you hold yourself, eye contact and slow movements. Fidgeting and lots of chatter looks nervous.
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Lorna Payne - LMP TherapyNovember 7th, 2017