Finding Love over Forty
11th October, 2012
Written by: Glynis Kozma - Midlife Coaching for Women MAC
Many men and women over forty are looking for a partner either after a break up or a life of singledom- maybe all their energies were put into work and suddenly they realise that they now want someone special in their life.
There are so many cliches about finding love later in life that I'm going to be pushed to write this without resorting to them at all- but bear with me.
Many have found relationships by behaving as if they were looking for a career change: that is with motivation, a plan, and being prepared to take a risk.
So what can you do?
Widen your social circle. This may sound obvious, but if all your friends are couples, and work isn't offering anything socially, you have to take action. Don't jump straight into the dating scene. Think about volunteering, even if you only commit a small amount of time to it, join a class, learn a new skill, pick up old friendships. And give it all a chance- don't decide after two weeks that the ramblers is not for you- that special person may be there next week.
Be receptive to other people. This may sound obvious, but people who make connections look and behave in a certain way. They look at people and make eye contact, smile at strangers, engage in small talk at the station, bus stop or supermarket queue. Give yourself a goal: smile and talk to one stranger every day.
Have a makeover. Appearances do count. You don't have to buy designer clothes or spend a fortune. But ask a friend who is honest if there is anything you can do to make yourself more attractive. It's easy to get into a rut, especially if your confidence is low. Perhaps a new hairstyle, different colour clothes, a free make over at the beauty counter would boost your self-esteem? And it goes without saying that your personal hygiene and teeth should be cared for!
Improve your confidence. It's been discovered that the most attractive quality in men and women is confidence. How is yours on a scale of 1-10? Take some time every day to value who you are. Write down 3 positive achievements each day. Write a list of 10 qualities you have. Read these back to yourself every week.
Jump into dating. Some of my clients have had success with online dating, others haven't. It can be a minefield, but it can also work. Choose your site with care. On the whole ones where you pay have a more serious type of member than the freebies. Follow the safe dating rules, look on it as a means to make friends and not just meet that special person - and you might be surprised at the outcome!
Get out and about. If you have never done anything alone then it can be daunting. Start small. Go to a gallery or a museum, or a talk, go to the cafe, smile at other people. Have a short holiday on your own or with like-minded people. This doesn't have to be a singles- holiday per se, but one for people with the same interests, such as walking, wine, culture, or whatever floats your boat.
There is no magic wand when it comes to meeting someone. But you can certainly enhance your chances by building your confidence and immersing yourself in as many activities as you can fit into your life. Good luck!
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