Divorce - Dealing with the pain and guilt

I am sure you have read or are in the midst of reading blogs and self help books so why is this article any different to the others?

Divorce is devastating and everything I write comes from the heart and a place of true experiences. The questions I have been asked over the years are: 

How can one regain normality?
Will life ever be pain free again?
How can I every feel strong again?
How can I function and get through the day?

Whether you have been betrayed or have betrayed, whether you initiated the separation or fought against it, dreams of a life have been shattered. These questions haunt our minds tormenting us of a life once had.

Life will not be the same. Time cannot go backwards. The devastating fact still remains. But life can get better. Different but better.

If we hold onto the guilt, anger, pain, frustration, hatred and self loathing, whether this is aimed at yourself or your ex-partner, these negative hurtful emotions will stay within our body to corrupt all our emotions and life experiences. But how do you move past this? 

With patience, kindness, strength and love for yourself. It's time to look after you. 

The most common response to this statement is “I just haven't got the strength to move past this". I promise you, you are not alone. So how do you allow these emotions to flow through your body without holding onto them and move forward?

Reflect and face the reality of your truth

Be kind and gentle to yourself. Reflection is not about replaying the hurtful emotions over and over in our mind, tormenting every cell in our bodies. It's about understanding the truth of the situation; reflecting on the facts and how we can move forward. Not attaching blame to the pain we feel this will be like a lead weight holding you back and dragging you down every waking moment.

This process is not easy and certainly not painless but what will emerge is an understanding of yourself and a small shift in beginning to love yourself and others again.

Embrace light

There will be dark and lonely days where light and love do not enter our world. Then for a small second you may feel a tiny piece of joy if briefly. Embrace this moment it may only be for a few short seconds until your mind draws you back however this light will grow stronger with every visit. Cherish and embrace this.

This life change whether initiated or fought against, brings a sea of negative, and painful feelings but slowly we come to learn that this change creates space, this space is created for something new to emerge.

The new you: 

I am strong because I've been weak.
I am fearless because I've been afraid.
I am wise because I've been foolish. 

These wise words from "The Shadow Effect." By Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson and Debbie Ford.

Every day will teach you something new about yourself.  The key is to be present even within the pain allow all your feelings to flow.  Don’t be ashamed that you have just had a meltdown, don’t beat yourself up when you feel happy and it’s only for a second and you think you should be feeling stronger. The goal is to be present feel all your emotions without holding onto them.

In time this will be your freedom. 

I am strong because I've been weak.
I am fearless because I've been afraid.
I am wise because I've been foolish.